Bad Day at Hallmark : )

Bad day at Hallmark Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........    ? //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// My tire was thumping.  I thought it was flat,  When I looked at the tire...  I noticed your cat.  Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Heard your wife left you,  How upset you must be.  But don't fret about it...  She moved in with me.    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Looking back over the years  that we've been together,  I can't help but wonder...  'What the hell was I thinking?'    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Congratulations on your wedding day!  Too bad no one likes your husband.    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How could two people as beautiful as you  Have such an ugly baby?    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've always wanted to have  someone to hold,  someone to love.  After having met you ..  I've changed my mind. -------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------- I must admit, you brought Religion into my life..  I never believed in 'hell' until I met you.    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...  That you're not here to ruin it for me.    #################################################### Congratulations on your promotion.  Before you go...  Would you like to take this knife out of my back?  You'll probably need it again. ******************************************************************************** Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!  (Available only in  Tennessee , N. Carolina & West  Virginia  ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Happy birthday! You look great for your age.  Almost Lifelike!   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When we were together,  you always said you'd die for me.  Now that we've broken up,  I think it's time you kept your promise.   ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// We have been friends for a very long time .  let's say we stop? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I'm so miserable without you  it's almost like you're here. ===================================================== Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.  Did you ever find out who the father was?   %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Your friends and I wanted to do  something special for your birthday.  So we're having you put to sleep.. )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) So your daughter's a hooker,  and it spoiled your day.  Look at the bright side,  it's really good pay.